2010 Movies: #44 & 43

#44 The Karate Kid


Man, it's been forever since I saw the original Karate Kid. It's even possible I've never seen the whole thing straight through. This one isn't as good. For one, it doesn't have "wax on, wax off." And for two, it doesn't have Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love". And that's not a martial arts world I want to live in.

The KK reboot certainly tries, and there are some good things about it. Jackie Chan is awesome as Miyagi-lite (in this version, he's Mr. Han) and shows that he's not the least bit rusty as he flips and kicks his way through the markets of Beijing. And he actually shows off depth as a broken man trying to overcome a family tragedy.The problem is, the flipping and kicking is dangerously under-utilized. There's a whole lot of training, scenes that drag and drag (the movie clocks in at a brutal 2 hours and 20 minutes) and include a whole lot of "pick up your jacket, hang up your jacket," which is of course the stand-in for wax-on, wax-off.

That's because Dre, played by Jaden Smith, has not only problems with jacket etiquette, but also problems fitting in with his Chinese counterparts since his single mom has moved them to Beijing. He gets his ass kicked constantly by a gang of bigger boys who train at a "no mercy" dojo, which is exactly what it sounds like. I may not remember the bullying in the original, but it's kind of outta control in the 2010 version. Jaden may be quick, but he's too tiny and frail to be a martial arts force and he uses the same pained expression each time he's bullied. I think with a little more work he's going to come into his own. If he's lucky enough, he'll end up like his dad--"The black actor everyone at work can agree on (The Onion)."
 
#43 Salt

On Friday night, my band played a show. The opening band, Only Thieves, was on tour from Talahassee, Florida. The five of them ended up staying at my house and somewhere along the course of the evening (maybe while eating a cauldron of ramen noodles or drinking whiskey and watching Simpsons), the topic of bath salts came up. Apparently in FL and in several other states, there is a problem with the compounds in over the counter bath salts being sold and distributed as a hallucinogenic drug. According to the Los Angeles Times: "The alleged effects include rapid heart beat, an intense high, euphoria, extreme energy, hallucinations, delirium, insomnia, psychosis, paranoia."

Angeline Jolie plays Evelyn Salt, and she causes none of those things. Instead, she is a CIA operative who is accused by a Russian defector of herself being a Russian spy who aims to kill the visiting Russian President. I'm confused. Are you?

She of course denies it, but she runs anyway. She shoots, explodes and fire-extinguishes her way out of the CIA building. She outruns and outsmarts fellow operatives Liev Schreiber & Chiwetel Ejiofor by jumping off an overpass and onto a semi truck. The sequence itself was actually pretty badass-at one point she rolls off and hangs on in the speeding DC traffic.

From there, she essentially tries to avoid becoming sidewalk salt (eh? eh?). She tries to protect her husband and confront her past. There are a couple of  twists along the way that are just cool enough to not spoil. Other than that, it's your typical action fodder with a few above-average moments. Jolie does this thing that I swear she's done in each one of her action roles-it's like this knee slide move that results in her narrowly dodging a bullet or some other object. It's getting kind of ridiculous. If you're up for a decent action rental though, it'll do the job.

Til next time...