A quick aside before I dive back in--
When the Packers first made the playoffs by the skin of their teeth, I made a pact with my folks that I would go home for the big game. All we had to do was win 3.
Easier said than done.
For the Philly game, I was at Old Chicago in St. Paul and everything looked good until Mike Vick decided to get cute and attempt to engineer a comeback. True, it wouldn't have even been a comeback if Akers had made those two FGs, but I was still terrified for all of quarter #4. Vick sailed one to the back of the end zone and I could barely look-but there was Tramon Williams, leaping up for the grab.
I was in Chicago for the weekend that we stomped Atlanta, and I got to watch it on and off in between family obligations. All I could say about that was no one in the world could have predicted a 4-score victory. Me and my buddies re-lived the highlights on their couch well into the next day.
I was mostly confident against the Bears (viewed at Buffalo Wild Wings, also in St. Paul), but Rodgers simply wasn't the same dude after Julius Peppers rang the sh*t out of his bell, so it looked grim at times. Rodgers' best play was almost certainly his 6-saving tackle of Brian Urlacher at the 40 yard line. And that Hainey kid--their 3rd stringer--was definitely more effective than Cutler and Collins combined. It got interesting but we pulled it out. BJ "The Freezer" Raji's pick 6 turned the tables for good.
But there was nothing like the family camaraderie that I got to experience going home to watch the big game. A lot of people said I was crazy to drive all that way for something I could have watched on TV, but those people don't get it. I started watching the Packers with my folks well before the #4 era (I'm thinking more like the #7 era-Don the Magic Man Majikowski) , so when you get to go to your first championship in 14 years, yeah, it's kind of a big deal. I drank a half-bottle of Eagle Rare bourbon over the course of the contest, and I couldn't stop my heart from pounding for 3/4ths of the game. There were terrifying lows and elating highs. It was the most exciting football game I've probably ever seen. When Big Ben threw his final pass and Tramon once again broke it up, I leapt up and hugged and kissed everyone in the room, family or acquaintance. We had done it; after week 15 we were all but out of it.
What can I say--the Packers just have that effect on us Wisconsinites.
Now...Back to the movies!
#41 Dinner for Schmucks
There's a fine line between funny and mean-spirited, and DFS not only spends its duration walking the tightrope, it actually spends more time on the douchebag side. The premise is this--Paul Rudd's on the verge of a promotion at work and his creepy-ass boss has this weird almost fetish-y thing where he has his homies each pick a loser to invite to his house for a dinner so that they can all make fun of them. Rudd doesn't seem to have anyone in the running--let alone many friends--so when he accidentally runs over Steve Carell's character, an IRS worker who happens to make elaborate scenes out of stuffed mice, it's a match made in heaven.
Until Carell's meddling causes what Tony Soprano might have once referred to as a "King Midas in reverse" effect. Suddenly, a mix-up causes Rudd's stalker to crash back into his life and his girlfriend to all but leave him for the visual artist she represents, played by the reliably gonzo Jemaine Clement. Whether Carell is ruining an important event for Rudd, being walked all over by idiotic co-worker Zach Galifinakis or chortling, you wind up just feeling bad for him rather than finding him lovable, which I imagine is the intention. Meanwhile, Paul Rudd wastes his befuddled charm on acting annoyed towards everything. There were a few pretty funny parts, and of course Rudd has the protypical character arc that finds him eventually realizing the err of his ways, but comedies shouldn't feel this awkward and bad.
#40 Babies
Cool concept by French director as he follows four babies from Mongolia, Namibia, San Francisco and Tokyo over the course of a year. The countrysides are colorful and the babies are of course entertaining, particularly the Mongolian baby who at one point drags a cat around the family hut by his tail. However, the movie has no dialogue and couldn't quite hold my attention for the whole hour and a half. If you are a documentary fan, it's worth (at least part of) a look.
title
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
2010 movies: #42
#42 Cop-Out
There are certainly few auteurs working in modern cinema. Perhaps the most obvious is Wes Anderson, whose penchant for quirky dialogue, flawed characters and carefully symmetrical shots are stand-alone. There's Clint Eastwood, whose films each have the same dark, shadowy aesthetic. And Darren Aronofsky, he of the follow-shot and digital handheld (more on him way later in the countdown).
One who often gets overlooked is Kevin Smith. Who but Smith could turn a degenerate drug dealer and his quiet sidekick from white trash to cartoonish, lovable superheroes? Who else could make interesting cinema about the legalities and implications of contract workers on the death star? Who besides him has the balls to take organized religion and reduce it to devilish hockey-playing minions on rollerblades and foul-mouthed angels descending to earth? True, from his pinnacle-the Clerks/Mallrats/Chasing Amy stretch-his movies have gradually declined in substance. But when you have a Kevin Smith script, you know you'll end up with top notch innuendo, comic-book-geek philosophy, and super sharp yet heartfelt dialogue. Smith really is one of those writers who has a voice.
The problem is, Kevin smith didn't write Cop-Out. Instead, a duo if brothers who had worked on the TV show Las Vegas did. I don't think it was a bad thing for smith to step out of his element a little; besides-who wouldn't want to work with Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis do their best Gibson & Glover?
When it comes to Bruce Willis, I'm pretty much only interested in watching him kick ass and blow sh*t up, and I'm only interested in Tracy Morgan clowning Tracy Jordan-style. The main plot of Cop-Out follows Willis as he tries to get his Honus Wagner baseball card back from a drug-dealing memorabilia-obsessed gangbanger(Guillermo Diaz, steeping away from his Chappelle affiliation to thug out) so that he can help pay for his daughter's wedding, with Morgan as his affable sidekick.
.
The movie, however, loses steam by getting too involved in the secondary plots. Willis trades macho jabs with Jason Lee, who plays the rich new husband/stepfather and argues with his wife over his parental involvement. Morgan has his problems too-he's fully convinced his wife (the gorgeous Rashida Jones) is having an affair, so much so that he painstakingly installs surveillance. It's almost like the film can't decide if it's a buddy comedy, a crime caper, or a comment on the pitfalls of love. The identity crisis disrupts enough that by the time some good 'ol shoot-em-up finally occurs, the viewer is kind of out of it.
There are bright spots-Morgan still brings his usual buffoonery to the table when the scene allows, and Sean William Scott is great as a petty criminal the duo is tasked with babysitting. I'll watch anything Kevin Smith does, I just hope the next one is penned by him as well. I wouldn't mind Jay and Silent Bob popping caps in some antagonist's asses!
...And now a 2-3 day hiatus in observance of the upcoming Super Bowl holiday. Back on Monday or Tuesday with more blogging!!
There are certainly few auteurs working in modern cinema. Perhaps the most obvious is Wes Anderson, whose penchant for quirky dialogue, flawed characters and carefully symmetrical shots are stand-alone. There's Clint Eastwood, whose films each have the same dark, shadowy aesthetic. And Darren Aronofsky, he of the follow-shot and digital handheld (more on him way later in the countdown).
One who often gets overlooked is Kevin Smith. Who but Smith could turn a degenerate drug dealer and his quiet sidekick from white trash to cartoonish, lovable superheroes? Who else could make interesting cinema about the legalities and implications of contract workers on the death star? Who besides him has the balls to take organized religion and reduce it to devilish hockey-playing minions on rollerblades and foul-mouthed angels descending to earth? True, from his pinnacle-the Clerks/Mallrats/Chasing Amy stretch-his movies have gradually declined in substance. But when you have a Kevin Smith script, you know you'll end up with top notch innuendo, comic-book-geek philosophy, and super sharp yet heartfelt dialogue. Smith really is one of those writers who has a voice.
The problem is, Kevin smith didn't write Cop-Out. Instead, a duo if brothers who had worked on the TV show Las Vegas did. I don't think it was a bad thing for smith to step out of his element a little; besides-who wouldn't want to work with Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis do their best Gibson & Glover?
When it comes to Bruce Willis, I'm pretty much only interested in watching him kick ass and blow sh*t up, and I'm only interested in Tracy Morgan clowning Tracy Jordan-style. The main plot of Cop-Out follows Willis as he tries to get his Honus Wagner baseball card back from a drug-dealing memorabilia-obsessed gangbanger(Guillermo Diaz, steeping away from his Chappelle affiliation to thug out) so that he can help pay for his daughter's wedding, with Morgan as his affable sidekick.
.
The movie, however, loses steam by getting too involved in the secondary plots. Willis trades macho jabs with Jason Lee, who plays the rich new husband/stepfather and argues with his wife over his parental involvement. Morgan has his problems too-he's fully convinced his wife (the gorgeous Rashida Jones) is having an affair, so much so that he painstakingly installs surveillance. It's almost like the film can't decide if it's a buddy comedy, a crime caper, or a comment on the pitfalls of love. The identity crisis disrupts enough that by the time some good 'ol shoot-em-up finally occurs, the viewer is kind of out of it.
There are bright spots-Morgan still brings his usual buffoonery to the table when the scene allows, and Sean William Scott is great as a petty criminal the duo is tasked with babysitting. I'll watch anything Kevin Smith does, I just hope the next one is penned by him as well. I wouldn't mind Jay and Silent Bob popping caps in some antagonist's asses!
...And now a 2-3 day hiatus in observance of the upcoming Super Bowl holiday. Back on Monday or Tuesday with more blogging!!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
2010 Movies: #44 & 43
#44 The Karate Kid
Man, it's been forever since I saw the original Karate Kid. It's even possible I've never seen the whole thing straight through. This one isn't as good. For one, it doesn't have "wax on, wax off." And for two, it doesn't have Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love". And that's not a martial arts world I want to live in.
The KK reboot certainly tries, and there are some good things about it. Jackie Chan is awesome as Miyagi-lite (in this version, he's Mr. Han) and shows that he's not the least bit rusty as he flips and kicks his way through the markets of Beijing. And he actually shows off depth as a broken man trying to overcome a family tragedy.The problem is, the flipping and kicking is dangerously under-utilized. There's a whole lot of training, scenes that drag and drag (the movie clocks in at a brutal 2 hours and 20 minutes) and include a whole lot of "pick up your jacket, hang up your jacket," which is of course the stand-in for wax-on, wax-off.
That's because Dre, played by Jaden Smith, has not only problems with jacket etiquette, but also problems fitting in with his Chinese counterparts since his single mom has moved them to Beijing. He gets his ass kicked constantly by a gang of bigger boys who train at a "no mercy" dojo, which is exactly what it sounds like. I may not remember the bullying in the original, but it's kind of outta control in the 2010 version. Jaden may be quick, but he's too tiny and frail to be a martial arts force and he uses the same pained expression each time he's bullied. I think with a little more work he's going to come into his own. If he's lucky enough, he'll end up like his dad--"The black actor everyone at work can agree on (The Onion)."
#43 Salt
On Friday night, my band played a show. The opening band, Only Thieves, was on tour from Talahassee, Florida. The five of them ended up staying at my house and somewhere along the course of the evening (maybe while eating a cauldron of ramen noodles or drinking whiskey and watching Simpsons), the topic of bath salts came up. Apparently in FL and in several other states, there is a problem with the compounds in over the counter bath salts being sold and distributed as a hallucinogenic drug. According to the Los Angeles Times: "The alleged effects include rapid heart beat, an intense high, euphoria, extreme energy, hallucinations, delirium, insomnia, psychosis, paranoia."
Angeline Jolie plays Evelyn Salt, and she causes none of those things. Instead, she is a CIA operative who is accused by a Russian defector of herself being a Russian spy who aims to kill the visiting Russian President. I'm confused. Are you?
She of course denies it, but she runs anyway. She shoots, explodes and fire-extinguishes her way out of the CIA building. She outruns and outsmarts fellow operatives Liev Schreiber & Chiwetel Ejiofor by jumping off an overpass and onto a semi truck. The sequence itself was actually pretty badass-at one point she rolls off and hangs on in the speeding DC traffic.
From there, she essentially tries to avoid becoming sidewalk salt (eh? eh?). She tries to protect her husband and confront her past. There are a couple of twists along the way that are just cool enough to not spoil. Other than that, it's your typical action fodder with a few above-average moments. Jolie does this thing that I swear she's done in each one of her action roles-it's like this knee slide move that results in her narrowly dodging a bullet or some other object. It's getting kind of ridiculous. If you're up for a decent action rental though, it'll do the job.
Til next time...
Man, it's been forever since I saw the original Karate Kid. It's even possible I've never seen the whole thing straight through. This one isn't as good. For one, it doesn't have "wax on, wax off." And for two, it doesn't have Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love". And that's not a martial arts world I want to live in.
The KK reboot certainly tries, and there are some good things about it. Jackie Chan is awesome as Miyagi-lite (in this version, he's Mr. Han) and shows that he's not the least bit rusty as he flips and kicks his way through the markets of Beijing. And he actually shows off depth as a broken man trying to overcome a family tragedy.The problem is, the flipping and kicking is dangerously under-utilized. There's a whole lot of training, scenes that drag and drag (the movie clocks in at a brutal 2 hours and 20 minutes) and include a whole lot of "pick up your jacket, hang up your jacket," which is of course the stand-in for wax-on, wax-off.
That's because Dre, played by Jaden Smith, has not only problems with jacket etiquette, but also problems fitting in with his Chinese counterparts since his single mom has moved them to Beijing. He gets his ass kicked constantly by a gang of bigger boys who train at a "no mercy" dojo, which is exactly what it sounds like. I may not remember the bullying in the original, but it's kind of outta control in the 2010 version. Jaden may be quick, but he's too tiny and frail to be a martial arts force and he uses the same pained expression each time he's bullied. I think with a little more work he's going to come into his own. If he's lucky enough, he'll end up like his dad--"The black actor everyone at work can agree on (The Onion)."
#43 Salt
On Friday night, my band played a show. The opening band, Only Thieves, was on tour from Talahassee, Florida. The five of them ended up staying at my house and somewhere along the course of the evening (maybe while eating a cauldron of ramen noodles or drinking whiskey and watching Simpsons), the topic of bath salts came up. Apparently in FL and in several other states, there is a problem with the compounds in over the counter bath salts being sold and distributed as a hallucinogenic drug. According to the Los Angeles Times: "The alleged effects include rapid heart beat, an intense high, euphoria, extreme energy, hallucinations, delirium, insomnia, psychosis, paranoia."
Angeline Jolie plays Evelyn Salt, and she causes none of those things. Instead, she is a CIA operative who is accused by a Russian defector of herself being a Russian spy who aims to kill the visiting Russian President. I'm confused. Are you?
She of course denies it, but she runs anyway. She shoots, explodes and fire-extinguishes her way out of the CIA building. She outruns and outsmarts fellow operatives Liev Schreiber & Chiwetel Ejiofor by jumping off an overpass and onto a semi truck. The sequence itself was actually pretty badass-at one point she rolls off and hangs on in the speeding DC traffic.
From there, she essentially tries to avoid becoming sidewalk salt (eh? eh?). She tries to protect her husband and confront her past. There are a couple of twists along the way that are just cool enough to not spoil. Other than that, it's your typical action fodder with a few above-average moments. Jolie does this thing that I swear she's done in each one of her action roles-it's like this knee slide move that results in her narrowly dodging a bullet or some other object. It's getting kind of ridiculous. If you're up for a decent action rental though, it'll do the job.
Til next time...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
2010 Movies: #46 & 45
Embark with me, readers, on another day of criticism!
#46 Just Wright
You know what's an awesome term? "Rapper/Actor" or, spoken aloud, "Rapper-slash-Actor". It's been an ongoing thing for a while now. Unless the actor is actually rapping on screen--like Eminem's B. Rabbit in 8 Mile or Vanilla Ice during the credits of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II--the results are often hit-or-miss. Chris "Ludacris" Bridges may be the exception to the rule as he performed well in Crash and Hustle & Flow among others. Mos Def has been pretty good all in all. Ice Cube achieved greatness with the original Friday, but has since fizzled. Snoop is okay in small doses. Kid & Play's House Party series (3 in particular) was a cornerstone of my growing up, but often it was the supporting cast that provided most of the comedy. Everyone who has watched House Party 3 as religiously as I have knows that you fast-forward through the heart-to-heart scene between Kid and Play because, quite frankly, no one cares.
And as much as you probably want to count Marky Mark as a Rapper/Actor, I just can't do it on "Good Vibrations" alone, so the reigning rapper/actor champion is of course Queen Latifah. It's safe to say she's put out a lot more movies than albums, leading in movies like Set it Off, the Barbershop movies and of course Chicago. So I had higher hopes for this one, both because she tends to be pretty good and because Just Wright features not one but TWO Rapper/Actors. Unfortunately, the other is Common, who in my experience should probably just MC.
Common plays Scotty McKnight, star forward of the New Jersey Nets (ok Latifah, we get that you're from New Jersey, but no star is coming from the New Jersey Nets anytime soon, lest they sign Carmelo). Latifah plays Leslie Wright, a happy-but-unlucky-in-love athletic trainer. They meet at a gas station; she's wearing his jersey and they hit it off. He invites her to his party. She brings along her jersey-chasing cousin, who also happens to be super attractive. The Queen once again finds herself in the friend role as Common pursues the cousin.
The Queen becomes sad and despondent.
And the cousin enjoys the NBA wife lifestyle, until Scotty goes down with a bum knee (hasn't the NBA taught you anything? Never play hard in an All-star Game!). Leslie takes over as his trainer. You can probably do some basic addition and figure out how the rest goes.
Again, an entertaining movie at times. But while Common can handle the humbled athlete role well, romantic lead he is not. Latifah does fine, though she's shown more range in previous efforts. My main beef was with the script. The idea wasn't terrible, but the supposed "black" dialogue seemed dated--it felt kind of suburban. Maybe it was written back when the New Jersey Nets were a competitive basketball pro--wait...
#45 Iron Man 2
High expectations are a tough thing to deal with sometimes. Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys took one listen to Sgt. Peppers and scrapped all of Smile because he couldn't deal with how high the stakes were going to be. Here in the Twin Cities this year, the excitement for the possibility of the Twins to beat the Yankees and advance to the ALCS were so high that when the Yankees handily swept our boys, most people couldn't bring themselves to talk about it. Weezer will never make another Blue Album, Snoop Dogg will never make another Doggystyle. Their follow-ups? Victims of high expectations.
And yes, even though I had high expectations for Iron Man 2--I'll be the first to admit I thought Iron Man was super awesome--it still wasn't a very good movie. It wasn't all Favreau's fault--he had his hands full from the beginning as Terrence Howard walked over contract issues. The best justification I have for Iron Man 2 charting this low is because it just felt bloated. It was two plus hours and it felt like at least twenty minutes could have beeen chopped.
RDJ was good-not-great as Tony Stark; the playboy swagger seemed to lack. I think he got to have more fun in the first one. ScarJo was great to look at but not as much to hear speak. Mickey Rourke did a pretty good job with the Russian dude. The biggest detractor acting and script-wise though, was the usually dependable Sam Rockwell, whose tycoon character was so g-damn annoying I found myself cringing. Both the lines he was given and his delivery of them were borderline intolerable.
With everyone trying to get their hands on Stark Industries technology, it became a struggle for power that didn't hold my attention. Some of the action was great (when Don Cheadle and Downey took on a swarm of Iron Man clones) while some was not so great (Mickey Rourke slicing cars and fences on a race track with some sort of whip). And that performance that RDJ did at the beginning of the film with the American flag bombast and the women was one of the dumbest things I saw this year. I still hold hope that if there is a 3rd Iron Man, it will be far less disappointing than this one.
#46 Just Wright
You know what's an awesome term? "Rapper/Actor" or, spoken aloud, "Rapper-slash-Actor". It's been an ongoing thing for a while now. Unless the actor is actually rapping on screen--like Eminem's B. Rabbit in 8 Mile or Vanilla Ice during the credits of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II--the results are often hit-or-miss. Chris "Ludacris" Bridges may be the exception to the rule as he performed well in Crash and Hustle & Flow among others. Mos Def has been pretty good all in all. Ice Cube achieved greatness with the original Friday, but has since fizzled. Snoop is okay in small doses. Kid & Play's House Party series (3 in particular) was a cornerstone of my growing up, but often it was the supporting cast that provided most of the comedy. Everyone who has watched House Party 3 as religiously as I have knows that you fast-forward through the heart-to-heart scene between Kid and Play because, quite frankly, no one cares.
And as much as you probably want to count Marky Mark as a Rapper/Actor, I just can't do it on "Good Vibrations" alone, so the reigning rapper/actor champion is of course Queen Latifah. It's safe to say she's put out a lot more movies than albums, leading in movies like Set it Off, the Barbershop movies and of course Chicago. So I had higher hopes for this one, both because she tends to be pretty good and because Just Wright features not one but TWO Rapper/Actors. Unfortunately, the other is Common, who in my experience should probably just MC.
Common plays Scotty McKnight, star forward of the New Jersey Nets (ok Latifah, we get that you're from New Jersey, but no star is coming from the New Jersey Nets anytime soon, lest they sign Carmelo). Latifah plays Leslie Wright, a happy-but-unlucky-in-love athletic trainer. They meet at a gas station; she's wearing his jersey and they hit it off. He invites her to his party. She brings along her jersey-chasing cousin, who also happens to be super attractive. The Queen once again finds herself in the friend role as Common pursues the cousin.
The Queen becomes sad and despondent.
And the cousin enjoys the NBA wife lifestyle, until Scotty goes down with a bum knee (hasn't the NBA taught you anything? Never play hard in an All-star Game!). Leslie takes over as his trainer. You can probably do some basic addition and figure out how the rest goes.
Again, an entertaining movie at times. But while Common can handle the humbled athlete role well, romantic lead he is not. Latifah does fine, though she's shown more range in previous efforts. My main beef was with the script. The idea wasn't terrible, but the supposed "black" dialogue seemed dated--it felt kind of suburban. Maybe it was written back when the New Jersey Nets were a competitive basketball pro--wait...
#45 Iron Man 2
High expectations are a tough thing to deal with sometimes. Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys took one listen to Sgt. Peppers and scrapped all of Smile because he couldn't deal with how high the stakes were going to be. Here in the Twin Cities this year, the excitement for the possibility of the Twins to beat the Yankees and advance to the ALCS were so high that when the Yankees handily swept our boys, most people couldn't bring themselves to talk about it. Weezer will never make another Blue Album, Snoop Dogg will never make another Doggystyle. Their follow-ups? Victims of high expectations.
And yes, even though I had high expectations for Iron Man 2--I'll be the first to admit I thought Iron Man was super awesome--it still wasn't a very good movie. It wasn't all Favreau's fault--he had his hands full from the beginning as Terrence Howard walked over contract issues. The best justification I have for Iron Man 2 charting this low is because it just felt bloated. It was two plus hours and it felt like at least twenty minutes could have beeen chopped.
RDJ was good-not-great as Tony Stark; the playboy swagger seemed to lack. I think he got to have more fun in the first one. ScarJo was great to look at but not as much to hear speak. Mickey Rourke did a pretty good job with the Russian dude. The biggest detractor acting and script-wise though, was the usually dependable Sam Rockwell, whose tycoon character was so g-damn annoying I found myself cringing. Both the lines he was given and his delivery of them were borderline intolerable.
With everyone trying to get their hands on Stark Industries technology, it became a struggle for power that didn't hold my attention. Some of the action was great (when Don Cheadle and Downey took on a swarm of Iron Man clones) while some was not so great (Mickey Rourke slicing cars and fences on a race track with some sort of whip). And that performance that RDJ did at the beginning of the film with the American flag bombast and the women was one of the dumbest things I saw this year. I still hold hope that if there is a 3rd Iron Man, it will be far less disappointing than this one.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
2010 Movies: #48 & 47
Let the countdown continue...
#48 Valentine's Day
Ah, chick-flicks. Cute, fluffy, require little thinking--the Pomeranian of film genres.
I'll admit, I myself suggested Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day knowing my special date wanted to see it, and I thought "how smart and original of me. A movie on Valentine's Day--such a simple date that it will come across as ingenious." As it turned out I was just like every other male chump in the Twin Cities. It was packed to the gills with couples in their late 20s and I was completely un-effing-original.
This comes down to the fact that if Valentine's Day had one thing going for it, it was brilliant marketing. The idea to come out with Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day was so simple that it came across as ingenious. The amount of young men hit with the phrase "Oh that looks super cute! I want to see this!" must have equaled the population of North Dakota.
There's nothing inherently wrong with seeing a chick-flick on Valentine's Day, nor is there anything inherently wrong with chick flicks in general. As long as they are executed right.
This one, however, was not.
There was something in the neighborhood of ninety A-List stars in this film, but that didn't matter. We (especially my gal) were able to predict each and every "twist" that the film threw our way as we, the eye-fluttering and hopeful viewer, navigated through a bunch of storylines in a Los Angeles version of our tuitular holiday. Ashton Kutcher runs a flower shop, it's the busiest day of the year and--say it ain't so!--he's got a plan to propose to his girlfriend...but she doesn't accept--oh no! Wouldn't it be something if his best friend of several years that he's secretly always loved magically became available on the same day?
You get the picture. Julia Roberts as a female soldier returning home meets and talks with Bradley Cooper on a plane about the special "man" in her life. Taylor Swift & Lautner flaunt their fame which has since fallen into "no one cares" territory. George Lopez plays the wise old advisor of Kutcher's lovelorn schmo. Everyone's got their own unique take on love and everyone's story comes together. The little kid trying to get flowers for his crush is awwww! enough, and Jessica Biel's V-Day hating character serves her purpose, but Garry Marshall, one-time director of Pretty Woman, Overboard and the Odd Couple, looks more like his new self here--you know, the one that directed Georgia Rule and the one who is in the process of filming New Year's Eve, in which "The lives of several couples and singles in New York intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve." Pick a holiday, add a big city and you've got a blockbuster!
#47 The Losers
(blogger's note: way too much time spent on the last one. Trimmed down from here on out.)
One thing you can do if you want me to immediately start disliking your movie is to blow up a helicopter full of Bolivian children. This happens in the first ten minutes of The Losers.
The explosion here is meant to resonate with the viewer; the villain in the film is meant to be so hateful and spineless that you yourself want him dead. But from there on out, the antagonist is so bad (played by Speed 2: Cruise Control's Jason Patric) that it's actually cartoonish. Which I suppose makes sense since I believe it was at one point a Comic Book.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, The Wire's Idris Elba and Chris Evans are among a group of special ops team that gets left for dead after the failed mission in Bolivia. Zoe Saldana joins up with them to try and help them bring Max down, and from there a ton of sh*t gets blown up.
The Losers was of course entertaining, and it should be said that with the exception of the first couple of movies, I didn't straight-up dislike any movies this year. Chris Evans was great as the wise-cracking tech guy, Idris Elba was fun to watch as always, and Zoe Saldana was Zoe Saldana. The problem was in the clunky dialogue, the absurdity of its villain, and the various hokey double-crossings.
#48 Valentine's Day
Ah, chick-flicks. Cute, fluffy, require little thinking--the Pomeranian of film genres.
I'll admit, I myself suggested Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day knowing my special date wanted to see it, and I thought "how smart and original of me. A movie on Valentine's Day--such a simple date that it will come across as ingenious." As it turned out I was just like every other male chump in the Twin Cities. It was packed to the gills with couples in their late 20s and I was completely un-effing-original.
This comes down to the fact that if Valentine's Day had one thing going for it, it was brilliant marketing. The idea to come out with Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day was so simple that it came across as ingenious. The amount of young men hit with the phrase "Oh that looks super cute! I want to see this!" must have equaled the population of North Dakota.
There's nothing inherently wrong with seeing a chick-flick on Valentine's Day, nor is there anything inherently wrong with chick flicks in general. As long as they are executed right.
This one, however, was not.
There was something in the neighborhood of ninety A-List stars in this film, but that didn't matter. We (especially my gal) were able to predict each and every "twist" that the film threw our way as we, the eye-fluttering and hopeful viewer, navigated through a bunch of storylines in a Los Angeles version of our tuitular holiday. Ashton Kutcher runs a flower shop, it's the busiest day of the year and--say it ain't so!--he's got a plan to propose to his girlfriend...but she doesn't accept--oh no! Wouldn't it be something if his best friend of several years that he's secretly always loved magically became available on the same day?
You get the picture. Julia Roberts as a female soldier returning home meets and talks with Bradley Cooper on a plane about the special "man" in her life. Taylor Swift & Lautner flaunt their fame which has since fallen into "no one cares" territory. George Lopez plays the wise old advisor of Kutcher's lovelorn schmo. Everyone's got their own unique take on love and everyone's story comes together. The little kid trying to get flowers for his crush is awwww! enough, and Jessica Biel's V-Day hating character serves her purpose, but Garry Marshall, one-time director of Pretty Woman, Overboard and the Odd Couple, looks more like his new self here--you know, the one that directed Georgia Rule and the one who is in the process of filming New Year's Eve, in which "The lives of several couples and singles in New York intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve." Pick a holiday, add a big city and you've got a blockbuster!
#47 The Losers
(blogger's note: way too much time spent on the last one. Trimmed down from here on out.)
One thing you can do if you want me to immediately start disliking your movie is to blow up a helicopter full of Bolivian children. This happens in the first ten minutes of The Losers.
The explosion here is meant to resonate with the viewer; the villain in the film is meant to be so hateful and spineless that you yourself want him dead. But from there on out, the antagonist is so bad (played by Speed 2: Cruise Control's Jason Patric) that it's actually cartoonish. Which I suppose makes sense since I believe it was at one point a Comic Book.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, The Wire's Idris Elba and Chris Evans are among a group of special ops team that gets left for dead after the failed mission in Bolivia. Zoe Saldana joins up with them to try and help them bring Max down, and from there a ton of sh*t gets blown up.
The Losers was of course entertaining, and it should be said that with the exception of the first couple of movies, I didn't straight-up dislike any movies this year. Chris Evans was great as the wise-cracking tech guy, Idris Elba was fun to watch as always, and Zoe Saldana was Zoe Saldana. The problem was in the clunky dialogue, the absurdity of its villain, and the various hokey double-crossings.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
2010 Movies: #50 & 49
Look, I'm not a movie critic, and I never claimed to be.
I just happen to like watching movies. I watch a lot of them between theater and DVD. Since I moved up to the Twin Cities, I have made a point of seeing all of the best pic nominees each year. At first I was pissed when the academy went to 10 best picture nominees, but it's been my experience both times that by the time they announced the noms, I had seen the majority anyhow. I'm super cool.
I've seen 50 movies this year. When you see 50 movies in a year, you are guaranteed to see a wide range of quality. A WIDE RANGE. I read that the academy has 248 eligible films this year, so I've seen around 20%.
I am going to try and rank them from #50 to #1 in the 28 days between now and the academy awards. There's a few left on my list, so it may end up being more than 50 by the time that rolls around, in which case I hope to write them up and give them an approximate ranking in the mix.
Without further ado...
#50: Death at a Funeral
And here I was thinking that nothing could go wrong with a Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence vehicle. They've made their dubious choices--Bad Boys 2 and Grown-Ups come to mind--but with their powers combined, comic gold would have to ensue, right?
Wrong.
A remake of a British film of the same name from 2007, Death at a Funeral redux spent an unfortunate amount of time on both stereotypical and downright offensive hijinks. The reaction to the family patriarch's possible affair with a midget (played by Peter Dinklage, the only actor to appear in BOTH Death at a Funeral movies-resume' builder!) comes across as incredibly homophobic. A long-running plot relies on accidental ingestion of hallucinagenic drugs by James Marsden (Cyclops in X-Men, definitely slumming here) and by said midget. Both parties thought they were taking valium, which doesn't even sound funny. And I won't ruin anything by telling you that a body falls out of the casket during the service and people scream in terror. Yes, the old "body falling out of a casket" gag is in full effect here, as are many re-hashed and cliche'd devices. Damn, Gina--this movie sucked!
#49: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
I won't try and lie to you here and say this is the only movie in the "saga" that I've seen. I saw New Moon and it was not only passable, but pretty entertaining. It featured a sweet chase scene in the woods set to Thom Yorke's "Hearing Damage", a great song. I even kind of found myself having Bella's Edward v. Jacob debate at one point. Edward showed off sparkling skin, but eventually lost out to Taylor Lautner's jorts-wearing wild and careless soul.
But back to the topic at hand: The lackluster Eclipse. First of all, I get furious each time it's referred to as a "saga". Lord of the Rings is a saga--it covers many years. At least when Precious was constantly getting called Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire it was fun to say. "Twilight Saga" makes me want to punch the entire state of Washington in the head. You're not a saga!
So Kristen Stewart's Bella is sort of at a moral crossroads--since she's all set to choose Edward, how and when will she break the news to Altered Beast Jacob?
And that's the entire movie. All 2+ hours.
Kristen Stewart hems and haws, kisses both monster and undead, Lautner and Pattinson whine about what's best for her, and at one point spend 20 minutes in a tent on a mountain top arguing.
There is a cool vampire and werewolf alliance for a few minutes with some decent action and some werewolves clawing stuff...but when all the dust settles, we're back to what the Twilight saga is:
Feuding tweens.
Until next time...
I just happen to like watching movies. I watch a lot of them between theater and DVD. Since I moved up to the Twin Cities, I have made a point of seeing all of the best pic nominees each year. At first I was pissed when the academy went to 10 best picture nominees, but it's been my experience both times that by the time they announced the noms, I had seen the majority anyhow. I'm super cool.
I've seen 50 movies this year. When you see 50 movies in a year, you are guaranteed to see a wide range of quality. A WIDE RANGE. I read that the academy has 248 eligible films this year, so I've seen around 20%.
I am going to try and rank them from #50 to #1 in the 28 days between now and the academy awards. There's a few left on my list, so it may end up being more than 50 by the time that rolls around, in which case I hope to write them up and give them an approximate ranking in the mix.
Without further ado...
#50: Death at a Funeral
And here I was thinking that nothing could go wrong with a Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence vehicle. They've made their dubious choices--Bad Boys 2 and Grown-Ups come to mind--but with their powers combined, comic gold would have to ensue, right?
Wrong.
A remake of a British film of the same name from 2007, Death at a Funeral redux spent an unfortunate amount of time on both stereotypical and downright offensive hijinks. The reaction to the family patriarch's possible affair with a midget (played by Peter Dinklage, the only actor to appear in BOTH Death at a Funeral movies-resume' builder!) comes across as incredibly homophobic. A long-running plot relies on accidental ingestion of hallucinagenic drugs by James Marsden (Cyclops in X-Men, definitely slumming here) and by said midget. Both parties thought they were taking valium, which doesn't even sound funny. And I won't ruin anything by telling you that a body falls out of the casket during the service and people scream in terror. Yes, the old "body falling out of a casket" gag is in full effect here, as are many re-hashed and cliche'd devices. Damn, Gina--this movie sucked!
#49: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
I won't try and lie to you here and say this is the only movie in the "saga" that I've seen. I saw New Moon and it was not only passable, but pretty entertaining. It featured a sweet chase scene in the woods set to Thom Yorke's "Hearing Damage", a great song. I even kind of found myself having Bella's Edward v. Jacob debate at one point. Edward showed off sparkling skin, but eventually lost out to Taylor Lautner's jorts-wearing wild and careless soul.
But back to the topic at hand: The lackluster Eclipse. First of all, I get furious each time it's referred to as a "saga". Lord of the Rings is a saga--it covers many years. At least when Precious was constantly getting called Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire it was fun to say. "Twilight Saga" makes me want to punch the entire state of Washington in the head. You're not a saga!
So Kristen Stewart's Bella is sort of at a moral crossroads--since she's all set to choose Edward, how and when will she break the news to Altered Beast Jacob?
And that's the entire movie. All 2+ hours.
Kristen Stewart hems and haws, kisses both monster and undead, Lautner and Pattinson whine about what's best for her, and at one point spend 20 minutes in a tent on a mountain top arguing.
There is a cool vampire and werewolf alliance for a few minutes with some decent action and some werewolves clawing stuff...but when all the dust settles, we're back to what the Twilight saga is:
Feuding tweens.
Until next time...
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