Look, I'm not a movie critic, and I never claimed to be.
I just happen to like watching movies. I watch a lot of them between theater and DVD. Since I moved up to the Twin Cities, I have made a point of seeing all of the best pic nominees each year. At first I was pissed when the academy went to 10 best picture nominees, but it's been my experience both times that by the time they announced the noms, I had seen the majority anyhow. I'm super cool.
I've seen 50 movies this year. When you see 50 movies in a year, you are guaranteed to see a wide range of quality. A WIDE RANGE. I read that the academy has 248 eligible films this year, so I've seen around 20%.
I am going to try and rank them from #50 to #1 in the 28 days between now and the academy awards. There's a few left on my list, so it may end up being more than 50 by the time that rolls around, in which case I hope to write them up and give them an approximate ranking in the mix.
Without further ado...
#50: Death at a Funeral
And here I was thinking that nothing could go wrong with a Chris Rock and Martin Lawrence vehicle. They've made their dubious choices--Bad Boys 2 and Grown-Ups come to mind--but with their powers combined, comic gold would have to ensue, right?
Wrong.
A remake of a British film of the same name from 2007, Death at a Funeral redux spent an unfortunate amount of time on both stereotypical and downright offensive hijinks. The reaction to the family patriarch's possible affair with a midget (played by Peter Dinklage, the only actor to appear in BOTH Death at a Funeral movies-resume' builder!) comes across as incredibly homophobic. A long-running plot relies on accidental ingestion of hallucinagenic drugs by James Marsden (Cyclops in X-Men, definitely slumming here) and by said midget. Both parties thought they were taking valium, which doesn't even sound funny. And I won't ruin anything by telling you that a body falls out of the casket during the service and people scream in terror. Yes, the old "body falling out of a casket" gag is in full effect here, as are many re-hashed and cliche'd devices. Damn, Gina--this movie sucked!
#49: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
I won't try and lie to you here and say this is the only movie in the "saga" that I've seen. I saw New Moon and it was not only passable, but pretty entertaining. It featured a sweet chase scene in the woods set to Thom Yorke's "Hearing Damage", a great song. I even kind of found myself having Bella's Edward v. Jacob debate at one point. Edward showed off sparkling skin, but eventually lost out to Taylor Lautner's jorts-wearing wild and careless soul.
But back to the topic at hand: The lackluster Eclipse. First of all, I get furious each time it's referred to as a "saga". Lord of the Rings is a saga--it covers many years. At least when Precious was constantly getting called Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire it was fun to say. "Twilight Saga" makes me want to punch the entire state of Washington in the head. You're not a saga!
So Kristen Stewart's Bella is sort of at a moral crossroads--since she's all set to choose Edward, how and when will she break the news to Altered Beast Jacob?
And that's the entire movie. All 2+ hours.
Kristen Stewart hems and haws, kisses both monster and undead, Lautner and Pattinson whine about what's best for her, and at one point spend 20 minutes in a tent on a mountain top arguing.
There is a cool vampire and werewolf alliance for a few minutes with some decent action and some werewolves clawing stuff...but when all the dust settles, we're back to what the Twilight saga is:
Feuding tweens.
Until next time...
